I’ve recently come to realize that inner peace and joy are independent of the emotions that I experience. What I mean to say is that nowadays, I seem to be in a state of inner peace and joy regardless of the emotions that I experience. Being sad doesn’t take away from the joy that I feel. Likewise, being happy doesn’t add to to joy that I feel. I feel like I’m standing on an island of peace and joy while I watch with (mild) detachment as the waters of emotions swirl around me.
What does effect the inner peace and joy that I feel is my spiritual life. Relying more on the Lord adds to the peace and joy that I enjoy. Likewise, relying more on myself instead of on the Lord takes away from my inner peace and joy.
I think that to be fully alive is to live with a peace and joy that is as pervading, consuming and deep as the Lord has designed it to be. To be fully alive is to be absolutely free to love the Lord with my heart, my mind, and my soul.
For now, I’m not yet fully alive. I’m stumbling in the dark and tripping over my own vanity and pride. So, I ask the Lord to hold my hand and never let go. He alone can form me and teach me the freedom to love Him with all of my being.