confession

Because You love me, You let me understand how no one will fully understand my soul except You. 

Today was a low mood day for me. I had seen my clinical psychologist the afternoon before and I crashed so badly after that.

I went to my husband with my low mood with the intention of sharing everything I possibly could about the sorrow my soul was going through. When I got the opportunity to share this with him, I realised that while I was doing my best to explain what I am going through, I didn’t have the words to fully express everything. Some things can’t be explained using words sometimes unless the Lord grants the speaker and the listener the means to understand each other.

When my husband couldn’t understand me fully and when I realised that I didn’t have the means to explain myself fully, I became sad. Afterwards, I realised that this was because I had expected my husband to be able to understand the workings of my soul completely. What a silly thought that was!

I had a perfectly valid desire for my soul to be completely understood, but I went looking for it to be fulfilled in the wrong place. No wonder I was disappointed and my desire unsatisfied when my husband couldn’t understand my soul in its entirety. He tried his best but he just wasn’t designed for that sort of thing.

Only my Lord Jesus can truly comprehend my soul in its entirety; He probably understands it better than I do. When I understood this, I went to the Lord (or at least tried to because I still tend to try to substitute God with pleasure and honor aka procrastinating). I went to the Lord and I didn’t have to say much. I didn’t have to explain myself as best I could. I just turned my gaze to God and offered myself up to Him in submission. He knows my inability to articulate many things about my soul, so I just let my soul do its baby talk and trust that my Lord Jesus will understand.

Once I turned to the right place to fill the thirst for my soul to be completely understood, my desire was truly quenched.

Because You love me, You teach me that my heart is restless until it rests in You.